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April 28, 2012

Satire: A telemarketing conversation from another age


Telemarketer: Hello, am I speaking with the head of the household who makes all the financial decisions immediately and hopefully without considering any viable alternatives?

Person: Yes you are, but remember that I get very impatient with telemarketers who call without warning during dinner.

Telemarketer: No problem.  Ma’am if I can have a couple hours of your time, I would like to explain to you why you should drop your previous insurance provider like a rock and buy insurance from us.  We can give you the best deal and when you really need us to come through, we will drop your coverage without warning, faster than any other insurance company, our teaser rates are terrific!

Person: But I already have great insurance.  I’m just not interested.  I could pretend, but that would waste your time and mine.  We had a house fire just last week that completely destroyed our house and our insurance company paid up immediately.  Besides, you’re not a very good telemarketer.

Telemarketer: No problem.  You may think your insurance is great, but it isn’t.  Their credit rating has dropped several notches in the past few weeks. 

Person: Not only am I not interested in what you have to say, I have to go.  My son is choking and I need to give him the Heimlich. 

Telemarketer: No problem.  But did you know that we offer rebates?

Person: Goodbye. I’m not talking to you any more.

Telemarketer: No problem.  I’m only doing this for the money anyway.

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