How to fix head-hopping in your fiction manuscript

What is head-hopping?

Head-hopping is when your narration in a particular scene bounces between several character’s points of view without a scene break of some kind.  It’s like the narrator is hopping from head to head to head.  Hence, the name “head-hopping.”

Maria was thinking Bob looked hot today with his bowtie.  She loved it when guys wore bowties.  Bob, however, was hating life and Maria too, for that matter.  Joe just wanted to go swimming.

That’s head-hopping.  You get Maria’s thoughts, then Bob’s, then Joe’s, when you need to stick with just one point of view.

Head-hopping is easy to do when you’re learning to write fiction.  I’m finding that I did it a fair amount in the early parts of my first novel before I learned that wasn’t good.

Head-hopping is generally frowned upon these days and seen as a lack of control of one’s craft. 

  

Now, how do you fix it if you discover you’ve got a head-hopping problem?

There are two ways to do this, I’ve found out.

If you have an extended scene, there may be parts where you’ll want to change points of view because one character’s POV is more interesting/painful/dramatic and you want readers to get the story from that angle.  Try to keep the lens of narration coming from the person who has the most to lose or who is in the most pain.  As the focus of interest changes, do a scene break and take a new character POV.

What if you find your head-hopping scene is short?  How do you fix it? 

It may help to highlight in different colors the different POVs.  Color all Maria’s internal dialogue and opinions with red.  Color Bob’s POV in blue.  Color Joe’s in green.  Then print out the scene so you can see it all in front of you.  The color makes the unique POV of Maria, Bob, and Joe stick out so you can see how much of it is there.  It makes it easy to decide how important to the scene that character’s internal dialogue is. The character with the most important internal dialogue is probably the POV you should retain for that scene.  Everything else you can edit out or find a way for your favorite parts to be conveyed in other ways.  (Or if you have to, you can do the scene over again from the other characters’ perspectives.)